In 2011, when I created a daily email list where I teach a skill from dialectical behavior therapy each day, I saw individuals with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) as the primary audience but over the years, I’ve learned that family members and friends need dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), too.
Living with someone who has been diagnosed with BPD can be full of ups and downs. When one family member is suffering with intense and ever-changing emotions, most loved ones or caregivers are thrown into the chaos that results from unrelenting crisis after unrelenting crisis.
It's so painful for everyone involved. Until people get the help they need, the stress can be overwhelming.
You are not alone.
Friends and family members often wonder, "I'm not the one who needs help. Do I really need these skills?"
But most families need both education and support when it comes to navigating treatment options and finding experts who can help. A research article published in 2019, showed that, “…a trusting and collaborative relationship between carers, nurses and health professionals demonstrated improved outcomes for the carer and consumer.” Because BPD can be such a stigmatized diagnosis, another article published in 2015 noted additional needs for family support, education, and even training.
BPD is—ultimately—a family problem with a family solution.
DBT isn't just for the person with the problem; it's for anyone who has a desire to cope more effectively with the challenges that often occur when one is living with someone who has a mental health diagnosis.
Learning just a few DBT skills can help you feel more relaxed, in control of your own reactions, and mindful of your emotions. If your son, daughter, or spouse is learning DBT with a trained mental health professional then you can begin to share a unique therapeutic language that will lead to greater understanding, trust, and healing. The changes you make in taking care of yourself can help those you love.
As an intensively-trained DBT therapist, I want for you to find the peace you are seeking.
If you care about someone with BPD, please check out my family course here. There is help. There is hope.
If you are looking for additional information on helping a family member who has been diagnosed with BPD, please check out these books.
• The BPD Wellness Planner for Families by Amanda L. Smith
• The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook
• Genuine Validation: Compassionate Communication That Transforms Difficult Relationships at Home and Work by Corrine Stoewsand
• The Highly-Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them by Elaine Aron
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