Validation means that we are acknowledging another person’s emotions, thoughts, experiences, values, and beliefs. Validation isn’t about agreeing, placating, “fixing” the other person, trying to get someone to change, or repeating back what the other person has said.

Why validate? Validation is essential to meaningful connection. We all need validation at one time or another. Consistent and purposeful validation helps us to build relationships. Using validation as a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill communicates to the other person, “You are important. Our relationship matters.”

If you are looking to validate someone in your life, try out one of these statements or questions:

• Thank you for…
• I’m so happy that you’re in my life.
• I believe in you.
• I love it when you…
• I believe in us.
• We are going to get through this.
• Tell me more about…
• How are you feeling today?
• I’m sorry that I hurt you.
• Help me to understand what you’re thinking.
• I don’t know what I’d do without you.
• You are having a sad/tough/yucky day.
• Thank you for being wonderfully you.
• What happened? (Avoid asking, “What is wrong?”)
• Our family sticks together.
• It makes sense that you feel…
• It makes sense that you think…
• I want to hear about your morning/afternoon/day.
• I’ve noticed that you…
• I wonder if you…
• I need your help with…
• Thank you for being someone I can trust.
• What do you need from me right now?
• It meant a lot to me when you…
• What you are thinking/feeling is normal.
• How can I help?
• I value your ability to…
• I believe we can figure this out together.
• I’m proud of you.
• Will you forgive me for…?
• I love you.
• Can I get your opinion on…?
• You’re right.
• You were right.
• It’s the two of us against the world.
• Your emotions make sense.
• I feel the same way.

What works best for you in your relationship? How are you validating those who you care about the most?

Interested in creating a healthier relationship with someone you love? Please check out my course for family members and friends by clicking here.