Emotionally Sensitive or Borderline Personality Disorder?

Are you someone who is emotionally sensitive? Have you also been diagnosed with BPD but wonder if it’s an accurate diagnosis?

A diagnosis of borderline personality disorder can be hurtful to many people. When I’ve talked about the diagnosis with many of my clients, they will often ask, “Do you mean that there’s something wrong with my personality?” People may also ask, “Will I have this for the rest of my life?”

In short, no, there is nothing wrong with your personality (really!) and again, no, with good treatment, hard work, and patience most people will find freedom from the symptoms of BPD.

Borderline personality disorder is an imperfect name for a cluster of symptoms that may include:

• mood swings
• suicidal thinking or planning
• depression and/or anxiety
• self-injury
• intense anger
• black and white thinking patterns
• self-hatred
• excessive shame or guilt
• self-sabotaging or self-destructive behaviors
• paranoia or dissociation
• emptiness, boredom, and loneliness

Please note that this is not a complete list of diagnostic criteria and I urge people to be cautious in self-diagnosing. It’s also important to recognize that not all individuals with BPD are alike. Unfortunately, stereotypes of people with BPD exist and these myths make getting treatment more challenging.

Another important characteristic of BPD, however, is often emotional sensitivity.

Emotional Sensitivity in BPD

People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement. —Marsha Linehan, PhD

Most people with BPD are emotionally sensitive but that doesn’t mean that all people who are emotionally sensitive have BPD.

So what’s the difference? And does it really matter?

First of all, it’s okay to be emotionally sensitive in a world where people aren’t always open to emotional sensitivity. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. The goal isn’t to become a less sensitive person. You don’t even have to medicate emotional sensitivity!

The truth is that the world needs people who feel deeply and are in touch with their emotions. Emotionally sensitive people make contributions to the world through design, art, writing, and dance. Many professional healthcare workers are also emotionally sensitive. And what would we do without the therapists, doctors, and nurses who deeply care about others and work so hard to help?

Emotional sensitivity, however, may become a challenge when:

• emotions get in the way of important academic or vocational goals—again and again
• people are hurt and then end positive, healthy friendships or romantic relationships prematurely
• individuals reject or push away their emotional sensitivity (self-acceptance is very healthy)
• people expect to be hurt by others
• emotions keep people from making new friends
• people have a hard time trusting others

If your experience in being emotional sensitive is often hurtful, it’s okay to think about getting a little extra help from a mental health professional. We know that therapeutic approaches such as self-compassion, mindfulness, and self-validation may be very beneficial in helping people care for themselves. Even dialectical behavior therapy may be helpful for people without a diagnosis of BPD.

In the end, it may not make a big difference if someone has BPD or is emotionally sensitive. We can understand that feeling better and creating healthier relationships is what really counts.

Understanding yourself—or someone you love—can lead to more happiness.

Interested in reading more about emotional sensitivity? Please check out some of my favorite books to recommend to my clients and their families.

The Emotionally Sensitive Person: Finding Peace When Your Emotions Overwhelm You
This book is by Karyn Hall, PhD. She’s a terrific DBT therapist in Houston, Texas and specializes in an approach called Radically Open DBT.

The Highly Sensitive Person
Elaine Aron, PhD is the foremost expert in the field of emotional sensitivity. She has several books that are also beneficial for parents and partners of individuals who are emotionally sensitive. Please check out her workbook for highly sensitive people.

The Empath’s Survival Guide
Judith Orloff, MD writes from the perspective of an empath. This is a smart book with lots of practical ideas for navigating emotional sensitivity.

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