No, as a licensed health care provider, “quiet BPD” is not a description we would use in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or when I’m diagnosing someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) or describing traits of BPD.
However, it may be true that:
• DSM-5 diagnostic criteria is imperfect and does not always encompass all that someone with BPD might experience. People with a diagnosis of BPD are unique and are inherently worthy of love and healing. A mental health diagnosis is only a very small part of that individual’s story.
• people may have different, neutral traits that help describe their personality or temperament (such as introverted vs extroverted). Again, BPD isn’t just one thing and the same is true for people with the diagnosis.
• just as individuals are neither “good” nor “bad,” we can imagine that symptoms or characteristics of BPD are also neither “good” or “bad.” Understanding ourselves and others with less judgment and more compassion may be an important part of recovery from BPD.
• using descriptors such as “quiet BPD” may imply that others experience “loud BPD.” This kind of differentiation might feel judgmental or hurtful to others.
• even though “quiet BPD” is not a diagnosis, a person could understand some of their symptoms related to BPD by describing something like, “When I feel rejected, I sometimes get very quiet and it can be hard for me to speak.” Or they might observe, “I often shut down when I’m angry and—most of the time—my family doesn’t know when I’m frustrated.”
As a DBT therapist, my hope is that this kind of mindful description can help increase understanding for family members and friends while also providing some self-validation for the person diagnosed with BPD.
Want more? Check out these resources about dialectical behavior therapy:
• My Dialectical Life
• How to Get into Wise Mind
• Changing Your Emotions with Music
• The Quotable Marsha Linehan