All of us need validation. We can validate ourselves and we can also validate others to help improve our relationships.
Validation means that we are acknowledging another person’s experience, thoughts, emotions, values, or goals.
When we validate others, we are communicating, “You are important to me” We often feel loved and understood when others validate us.
In healthy relationships, there’s lots of back-and-forth validation between people. Validation is not a one-way street so it’s important that we find ways to validate each other. It’s not fair when one person is working overtime to validate a spouse, partner, or friend.
While we can verbally validate others, we can also practice validating without ever saying a word. This is also known as nonverbal validation.
Today you could validate a family member or a friend by:
• Giving a small gift
• Making someone you love breakfast in bed
• Mailing them a postcard or a greeting card with a sweet note
• Texting them a funny meme or gif
• Holding someone’s hand
• Completing a household chore
• Running an errand for your family member
• Listening (and not giving advice)
• Giving someone a tissue when they are sniffling
• Getting someone a sweater when they are cold
• Surprising a friend with their favorite coffee
• Being gentle
• Leaving a sticky note on their mirror with an encouraging word
• Just being quietly present
Here’s my relationship challenge for you: Find one way to validate a friend or family member each day. This validation can be verbal or non-verbal. You can also ask yourself, “What does my family member or partner really appreciate?” or “How does my child want to be validated?”
If you are looking for additional information on creating more meaningful communication, please check out the following resources.
• The BPD Wellness Planner for Families by Amanda L. Smith
• The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook
• Genuine Validation: Compassionate Communication That Transforms Difficult Relationships at Home and Work by Corrine Stoewsand
• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg