Self-Stigma: Can People with BPD Learn to Accept Themselves?

Self-Acceptance and Borderline Personality Disorder

Sometimes the greatest stigma people may face comes from within.

Many of the symptoms that develop as a result of borderline personality disorder (BPD) are a direct cause of a person’s insecurity in relationships or a lack of self-acceptance. Unfortunately, a lot of people with BPD also believe that they are worthless or aren’t worthy of love and respect from others.

When people with BPD do not accept themselves, they may have a harder time getting along with others and they may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors where they don’t allow themselves to reach important academic or vocations goals. This lack of self-acceptance may also lead to feelings of self-hatred. Individuals with BPD who are unable to accept themselves may be particularly at risk for self-injury or even suicide attempts. It’s also common for people with BPD who have a harder time accepting themselves to feel isolated or lonely.

Accepting yourself is an important part of recovery from BPD. When you love and respect yourself, others will respond positively.

How to Improve Self-Acceptance

1. Get Professional Help

It's absolutely okay to get professional help. Go to a therapist in your insurance network. They can help properly diagnose you and talk to you about your journey to self-acceptance. If you have already been diagnosed, feel free to mention that to your therapist. Also, you should be mindful of what different professionals can do.

If you are looking for a therapist or a recommendation for treatment, I may be able to help. Click here to learn more about working with me.

2. Find a Creative Outlet

A common symptom of people with BPD is that they sometimes lack control over their emotions or their emotional responses may be hurtful toward others.

Many people find relief in having a creative outlet as a way to cope with their emotions. You have the ability to play music, dance, sing, sculpt, color, knit, create an art journal, or write as a way of exploring your emotions. Over time, you will develop a healthy sense of pride or accomplishment as you improve. These emotions pave the path toward self-acceptance and self-love.

3. Accept Your Flaws

Absolutely everyone has flaws—including you. It's okay to have flaws or make mistakes. It makes you human. It’s also what helps make you special. It would be boring if everyone is perfect.

Missteps and failure can be a powerful learning experience. You probably know someone who has overcome a lot of obstacles and still accomplished great things. Those failures can also help make our successes all that more meaningful. For many people, a self-compassion practice can be beneficial.

4. Develop a Support System

As someone who struggles with self-acceptance, you need a support system to help bring you up when you are feeling down. You can probably find a great support system in your own world right now. Talk to parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends when you need a little boost. Of course, you need to remember to be there for them when they need it, too.

Of course, many people don’t have a very supportive or validating family. It doesn't mean they are a bad family—it just means they don't understand how to be supportive for you. Thankfully, there are other options. Talk to your therapist about support groups or other mental health resources. You may be able to meet people at the support group and develop a support system that way. Once again, make sure to return the favor when someone else needs it.

I love recommending organizations such as NAMI Connection and Emotions Matter. If you love Twitter, check out #BPDChat.

5. Emphasize Physical Health

When you feel good on the outside, you will feel better on the inside. Some people may indulge in processed, high-calorie foods during moments of self loathing.

Instead, make a point to care for your physical health. You can eat well by opting for more fruits and vegetables. There’s so much evidence that exercise may be very beneficial, too. You'll be amazed at how much of a difference focusing on your physical health can make on your emotional outlook.

6. Recite Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are little phrases you can recite in the mirror or even in your head to help you when you need a little boost throughout the day. These affirmations can be divided into different sections, including "beauty affirmations" and "you can do it affirmations". When you need to feel good about your appearance, read the beauty affirmations. They should be a list of things about your own best feature and general beauty affirmations. When you need some support in your job or getting motivation to be there for friends and family, read the "you can do it" affirmations.

If you’re interested, I have a list of coping statements for people who have high urges to engage in self-harming behaviors I’d love for you to check out.

7. Choose Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a choice we make to help ourselves.

People often carry past trauma with them through for years. That trauma can make things much heavier than necessary emotionally. You need to learn how to forgive people to release the weight of this trauma. Whether it was a parent or an old friend, you can learn how to forgive the people who hurt you. This does not mean you forget about the pain or the consequences of those actions.

8. Meditate

There’s so much research to suggest that mindfulness and meditations practices can help us to reduce stress so that we can become more emotionally resilient. There are a number of guided meditation videos online to help you make the most of your experience. I love this self-acceptance meditation.

9. Help Others

If you want to accept yourself, you’ll find that it’s helpful to turn your focus away from yourself for several hours a week and aim that focus to people who could use your help. Spend your time helping others. You can start by visiting friends and family. You can also get involved in a charity. You will feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

10. Focus on Small Progress

Many people want to see huge progress overnight. The truth is that you probably won't see much progress right away. You should be patient and focus on small progress. Start with a small goal, such as waking up a little earlier every day, getting some exercise most days, eating well, or visiting a family member or friend every weekend. When you are able to accomplish that first step, add a new, slightly more challenging goal. In enough time, you will begin to find moments here and there when are are not only accepting yourself but you might even love yourself. When you think about yourself compared to a year or two earlier, you'll feel accomplished.

Aim for progress and not for perfection.