Dialectical behavior therapy (or DBT) is an evidence-based treatment developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan and was designed to help people who sometimes experience overwhelming emotions.
One of the first questions people often ask is: What does it mean to be dialectical? Most say it’s a discussion, dialogue, or manner of speaking between two people or groups. While all are partly true, none capture the core essence of this very important idea. So, let’s explore its meaning, how it applies to DBT, and what the DBT skills can offer you if you or someone you love.
Defining Dialectical
The concept of dialectical thinking was first established by German philosopher Georg Hegel in the 1800s and he was the originator of the thesis —> antithesis —> synthesis model of logic described below.
The developer of DBT, Marsha M. Linehan, describes dialectical thinking or the dialectical process as synthesizing or integrating opposites. In essence, she believes that opposites can be simultaneously true or—in her words—there’s a “kernel of truth” in opposing ideas. When we recognize (and honor) that kernel of truth, we help ourselves and, subsequently, start creating healthier relationships. It’s a way to bring people together.
This can be a very important skill to learn if you are someone who has a lot of all-or-nothing or black-or-white thinking. Sometimes it’s okay to let go of the absolutes (the “musts” and the “shoulds”) and embrace the nuances of life.
We can identify dialectical thinking with a fairly simple formula:
• thesis
• antithesis
• synthesis (<— This is the dialectic.)
Here’s a very easy way to think about the synthesis of opposites:
• Red
• White
• Pink (<— This is the dialectic.)
Or we can use a different color:
• Black
• White
• Gray (<— This is the dialectic.)
One of my favorite examples of dialectical thinking comes from author Glennon Doyle Melton in her 2013 TedX talk, Lessons from the Mental Hospital. She says:
• Life is beautiful.
• Life is brutal.
• Life is brutaful. (<— This is the dialectic.)
Another favorite way to think dialectically comes from Kiera Van Gelder. Kiera is the author of the memoir, The Buddha and the Borderline. (You can buy her book on Amazon.com by clicking here.) She has used this example of dialectical thinking:
• I have borderline personality disorder.
• I don’t have borderline personality disorder.
• Either way, there’s more to me than just a diagnosis. (<— This is the dialectic.)
Marsha M. Linehan suggests that our states of mind can even be dialectical.
• Emotion mind
• Reasonable mind
• Wise mind (<— This is the dialectic.)
In my article titled How to Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder, I discuss a “dialectic of recovery,” or a way to understand recovery from BPD in a way that is balanced. I’d love you for to take a moment and share it with others.
We all have examples of dialectical thinking. As an intensively-trained DBT therapist, I often encourage my clients to come up with their own examples of dialectics in their lives. Marsha M. Linehan has many more examples in her book DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets. (You can buy her book on Amazon.com by clicking here.)
“And” Not “But” in DBT
Another way to think about dialectical thinking is to notice how we talk about ourselves or others.
Are you a “Yes, but…” person? Do you reject ideas by pointing out the potential flaws or by suggesting that the idea isn’t “good enough”?
It’s interesting to think about the language we use each day and how it can make a difference when it comes to our emotional health.
For example, perhaps someone has suggested to you, “Go for a walk. You’ll feel better.” If you’re like most people, you may have responded with something like, “No, that won’t work. I might feel better but it will only last for a few minutes.” Those little buts can keep us stuck in patterns that are not a part of a life worth living.
A commitment to dialectical thinking may help us by learning to respond with something like, “Yes, I’ll go for a walk and if I feel sad again, I’ll go for another walk.” Or maybe we’ll say, “I’m willing to take a walk and see if it helps.”
It’s a small difference in the language that we use and it can be pretty powerful.
This is a dialectical couple—separate and, yet, working together.
The Ultimate Goal of DBT
The ultimate goal of DBT is pretty simple: create a life that is worth living. You are the one who gets to decide what that life worth living looks like. If there’s a particular goal you want to reach, there’s probably a DBT skill to help you.
Thanks to the ideas inspired by Georg Hegel 200 years ago and developed in the 1980s by Marsha M. Linehan, we have a very effective evidence-based treatment for individuals suffering from emotional dysregulation, depression, anxiety, addictions, suicidal thinking, and self-sabotaging behaviors. DBT can help give you the emotional and cognitive freedom you’ve been looking for in your life.
Perhaps today’s the day for you to embrace dialectical thinking.
Interested in learning more about DBT? I’d love for you to check out My Dialectical Life or my course for family members and friends by clicking here.