Self-compassion means that we treat ourselves with the same kindness, respect, and love that we would show towards a best friend, a family member, or a child we care about. However, self-compassion shouldn't be confused with pity or sympathy—it's the opposite of self-hatred. At its core, self-compassion is one of the hallmarks of an emotionally healthy individual. It's something we can cultivate in order to become more resilient to all that life throws at us at any given moment.

Self-Compassion Research

Over the past few years there's been an explosion in research related to the practice of self-compassion.

For instance, did you know that self-compassion may be beneficial for:

• students coping with academic stress (2016)
• reducing risk of substance use (2017)
• the mediation of symptoms related to borderline personality disorder (2017)
• decreasing symptoms related to depression (2018)
• protecting against suicidal thinking or planning (2017)
• improving goals related to positive health behaviors (2017)
• reducing alcohol consumption (2020)

While there may be many individuals who are naturally self-compassionate, it's possible for any of us to become more self-compassionate with a lot of patient and persistent practice. It's important to note that in order to become more effective in being self-compassionate we probably need to make a daily commitment towards showing ourselves the love we need in order to heal from past invalidation, self-doubt, and critical thinking.

Practical Self-Compassion Practice

In order to change our thinking from self-condemnation to self-compassion, we want to strive for a practice that is truthful and is a good fit for our values. One of the least effective things we can probably do is go around telling ourselves things like, "I'm a good person," or "I deserve wonderful things," especially if we don't believe that quite yet. Lying to ourselves is not an act of self-compassion. Erring on the side of honesty, however, can be a beautiful act of self-compassion.

While there is no "perfect" or "right" way to increase your self-compassion, you may want to start slowly and find ways that work for you.

5 Ways to Increase Your Self-Compassion

• Be mindful of judgmental or critical self-talk
Do you ever call yourself names? Tell yourself that you are ugly, stupid, or hopeless? Do you use self-deprecating humor a little too often?

Self-compassionate people are mindful of the language they use to describe themselves and their abilities. Today you can start to notice the subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages you are telling yourself and others about who you are and what is important to you. When in doubt, use accurate language ("I'm 20 pounds overweight." vs "I can't believe that I let myself get this fat. Gross!") when describing your experiences.

• Celebrate small successes
You might be thinking, "Normal people don't need to cheerlead themselves for getting to work on time," but that really isn't accurate. Even "normal" or emotionally healthy people sometimes have to build themselves up to complete routine tasks, chores, or goals—even when they seem easy or simple. Depending on the stressors you are currently experiencing, celebrating small steps may be one of the most effective things you do in your quest to become more self-compassionate.

If you need permission to celebrate teeth-brushing, keeping your gas tank full, or emptying the dishwasher, then do it. You can help yourself stay motivated by using these fun adulting stickers.

• Choose self-acceptance
We can focus on the negative but we can also decide to meditate on what is going well in our lives. We can accept that maybe things are all that bad—at least most of the time or maybe we accept that we are a work in progress.

To become more self-compassionate, you might ask yourself, "What are my strengths? What am I doing well? How am I helping myself and others?" Dwelling on the things that aren't going well doesn't make you a better or more noble person—it makes you someone no one wants to be around. No one is impressed by how well you can beat yourself up on a daily basis.

• Buy yourself flowers
Think about the things you wouldn't hesitate to do for your best friend. You send them uplifting texts, gifs, or funny YouTube videos. You might drive across the city just to bring them a cupcake on a rough day or maybe you're there with tissues and juice when they're sick and stuck in bed. You might be the kind of friend who stays up all night to help them study for a difficult final exam.

Now imagine what your life would be like if you showed yourself just a small portion of that kind of love and devotion. You know what you would do? You'd totally buy yourself flowers, balloons, or treat yourself to a movie in the middle of the day. Self-compassion is an exercise in radical and unapologetic self-care.

• Make your bed
One of the nicest gifts we can give ourselves is a beautiful, quiet bedroom with clean sheets, a made bed, a tidy nightstand, and other things that we love. It takes less than five minutes each morning to make our beds, pick the clothes up off the floor, and put last night's dishes in the kitchen sink.

A clean bedroom is a sign of self-respect and self-compassion. You don't need a perfect space but you deserve one that doesn't make you cringe and feel shame every time you walk in. How can you make your bedroom a more peaceful and relaxing place to spend 8 to 10 hours a day?

(If you need more bed-making inspiration, watch this video.)

Quiz: How compassionate are you?

Before you start making changes, take this self-compassion quiz.

Keep a note of your score and today's date. Set a reminder and retest yourself in the next 30, 90, or 120 days. Greater self-compassion is something you can track over time.

Don't forget to celebrate your self-compassion success.